By Christine Swan

This is becoming rather a theme of mine. I recently wrote about the importance of being kind but last weekend got me thinking how being ill-mannered leaves a bad taste in anyone’s mouth.

I was in London for the weekend and slotted into Londoner-mode. In this role, silence is maintained when riding the Tube and eye contact is avoided. However, when tourists ask me for directions, I happily snap out of it and will help them to reach their destination, as I believe most people also would. I am sure that most tourists find the sea of neutral, unsmiling faces intimidating, although having travelled metros in a number of other countries, this is pretty much a universal protocol for urban travel.

I avoided two noisy protests in central Westminster and skirted around the Houses of Parliament. I spied a sign that said: “Tea and Cake” and, as easily distracted as Alice, I found myself climbing the stone spiral staircase of the Jewel Tower. The building dates from 1365 and was previously known as the King’s Privy Wardrobe. After returning to the ground floor, I bought a cup of tea and a biscuit and then planned to use the Privy before continuing my journey. Two police officers came into the Jewel Tower and asked if they could use the toilet. They were given directions and went away. Before I left, I asked the same question, and was told: “No, there aren’t any customer toilets.” I have subsequently checked the English Heritage website, and they do state that no toilets are available but direct visitors to Westminster Underground Station, where you can pay for the privilege. I didn’t, but having read some of the reviews on Google Maps, they obviously were not the quite the Temple of Relief that the reviewers had hoped for.

The Jewel Tower – Tea, cake…..but no toilets

I walked on to Piccadilly and encountered one of the protests. I needed to get to the other side so crossed through the throng, apologising profusely as I shuffled my way along. “That’s OK”, “No problem”. Not all protestors are angry. Noisy, but not angry.

I headed to Liberty in Regent Street, one of my favourite stores. I purchased a few items and then sought out their conveniences, which are situated on every floor and are free of charge.

Liberty of London – and breathe…… here is style, tradition and impeccable manners

After further wandering, I returned to Westminster. Signs in the road welcomed me stating that non-compliance could result in arrest. I asked a police officer if Whitehall was now open and he told me that it was. Half way down its length, I reached barriers indicating that it really wasn’t open. I trudged back to Trafalgar Square and found an alternative route.

Amongst the tourist throngs at the Palace of Westminster

That evening, I went to the theatre, which was very busy, but everybody knows the rules. If somebody wants to access their seat, you stand up, they apologise and you say that it doesn’t matter. The process is repeated at the interval. After the performance, we often hang about to see if any of the actors might be willing to have a chat. Which they were. We told them how wonderful the performance was and they told us how delighted they were that we enjoyed it. They had just finished work, and we were delaying them returning home but, it was a perfect end to the evening, and we were very appreciative of this brief exchange.

Isn’t this what it’s all about? Making people feel better about their work, their day or themselves. We all have this power and all it takes is us to say some kind words. I believe that kindness and manners are inextricably intertwined. If you care about people, you treat them well and speak kindly.

The following day, I was due to return home. It was a beautiful morning, with sparkling sunshine and spring-like temperatures. I walked through St James’ Park and intended to cross The Mall. Unfortunately, my intentions were quashed by the touristic delight that is the Changing of the Guard. I negotiated the crowds apologising as I went. When I reached the crossing point, the guards were approaching so I knew that I would have to wait, along with a large number of tourists.

They’re changing guards at Buckingham Palace

A few minutes after the parade had passed, one tourist, in faltering English, asked the police officer: “Excuse me, Sir, please may we cross?”, “No”, was the stark response. The tourist tried again, working hard to find the words in English: “Excuse me Sir, how long before I can cross the road please? Her voice trailed off. “Dunno”, was the response.

I thought about this exchange all day and am still thinking about it now. London needs tourists. Tourists visit certain areas and watch ceremonial events. How hard is it to speak kindly? Surely staff working in public-facing roles are trained in how to speak to tourists? Eventually we were barked across. Most of the tourists went forward to the Palace, but I continued on to Green Park and then Hyde Park. As I walked, I chewed over what it all meant.

Sunday morning Squid Game going on in Green Park

Being disrespectful is a power play – it makes the recipient feel bad and the speaker feels as if they have control and superiority. Politeness has the opposite effect, it’s about respect and equality. It doesn’t cost anything, and we can all do it. I hope that the tourists did have a good stay in London.